Quiznos Printable Coupon July 2011

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This coupon is valid till July 25th!
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It's been awhile

Well guys it's been awhile since I last posted. I've been a really busy lady, It being summer and all. I love the summer, I wish it could last forever. I love having my kids home with me, and bbqing!! I know school is just around the corner, so I want to make the summer last as long as I can and savor every moment!

Stone Temple Pilots - Creep

Nervous and Anxious

So, I have to go see a neurologist tomorrow and a cardiologist Wednesday. I am getting kinda nervous and anxious at the same time. I have been having panic attacks, migranes, back pain and rapid heart rate episodes for going on 8 months now and nobody can tell me what is wrong with me. I have had over 10 EKG's done, many blood tests, many urine test, chest x-rays. Been misdiagnosed with athsma, which turns out I dont have and I am glad about that. Finally found a doctor who is taking the time to figure this out instead of atomatically lableing me with panic disorder and medicating me, which only made me sicker. I am nervous about what I might find out, but at the same time that maybe, just maybe I will get answers to what has been plaguing me for all this time. I want answers and to get back to being normal again, I am just praying to God that it is something not too serious. At the same time I am scared that they will find nothing wrong with me and I will be back at square one again. I think living with the idea that I dont know what is going on with my body is worse than finding out I have something bad. Anyways, I hope I am atleast going in the right direction and that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel soon. It is very difficult to live my daily life like this, but somehow I make it through and will continue to do so, till I no longer can.

"Bitterness is a disease, it robs your joy and stops you from bringing your heart to greater places. Letting go of what you have no control over is as necessary as taking a breath. You have a choice, hold on to pain, or free yourself from it. A lesson learned need not be repeated or carried on your shoulders forever. You are meant for better, happier things." ~ Dori Roberts ♥

A Poem

Panic Attack Dream Theater

All wound up
On the edge
Terrified

Sleep disturbed
Restless mind
Petrified

Bouts of fear
Permeate
All I see

Heightening
Nervousness
Threatens me

I am paralyzed
So afraid to die

Caught off guard
Warning signs
Never show

Tension strikes
Choking me
Worries grow

Why do I feel so numb?
Is it something to do with where I come from?
Should this be fight or flight?
I don't know why I'm constantly so uptight

Rapid heartbeat pounding through my chest
Agitated body in distress
I feel like I'm in danger
Daily life is strangled by my stress

A stifling surge
Shooting through all my veins
Extreme apprehension
Suddenly I'm insane

Lost all hope for redemption
A grave situation desperate at best

SLEEP!

I really need to get on a decent sleeping schedule. My fiance has been working 2nd shift for the past couple of months and I find myself unable to sleep without knowing he is in the house. So here I sit, awake, till the wee hours of the night. My mind races with all kinds of thoughts and I just cannot settle. I already have pretty bad anxiety and lack of sleep does not help the situation. I tried calming CD's as well as other methods to clear my mind and it just doesnt work. I am not at all a pill taker, so I refuse to take sleeping pills. I wish he could just get on 1st shift, but that is not possible. On a more positive note, I try to keep myself busy with knitting and other things to keep my mind occupied from the fact I am alone at home with the kids in the house all night. I think I am doing a good job considering my anxiety level is through the roof. Anyways, I am going to try and go to sleep again after I try and soothe myself with a nice hot cup of cocoa. At least blogging this helped for a few minutes...hahaha. Woo! Sleep here I come hopefully ;)

A song I like....

As I sit here
And slowly close my eyes
I take another deep breath
And feel the wind pass through my body
I’m the one in your soul
Reflecting in the light
Protect the ones who hold you
Cradling your inner child
I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don’t know
And how do we relight the flame when it’s cold?
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control?
Tragic visions
Slowly stole my life
Tore away everything
Cheating me out of my time
I’m the one who loves you
No matter wrong or right
And every day I hold you
I hold you with my inner child
I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don’t know
And how do we relight the flame when it’s cold?
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control?
Godsmack-Serenity

So here goes nothing!

So...I have been searching for an outlet for my frustration that led me to decided to blog. This blog is bound to be random, but full of my most personal thoughts and feelings. I hope you enjoy my randomness :)